The elements of marriage are:  RESPECT/ REALITY/ DISCIPLINE/ COURAGE/ VALUE/ ORDER/ LOVE/ and TRUST through TRUTH. Responsibility is inherent in these things. The critical choice of marriage is, to understand: everything we can be together is determined by our own decisions. Thereby every decision matters; every lie destroys; every exception to love is an excuse to measure and judge; without honesty of life you will gain chaos instead; value accepts our journey is for equals; courage recognizes that we are not in control; discipline accepts the passion and purpose of each other as a right called freedom; reality underscores the fact, we don’t “have a magic wand”, survival depends upon our choices; RESPECT defines and determines the relationship you will share. Truth is our bond, without trust respect will die/ without respect, your relationship will die.

Within these things are then the foundations upon which we determine the lives we will both live, as an anchor to each other, throughout our existence in time. Such is the value of a marriage.

The functional truth of every marriage is:  we affect each other, even when we don’t try to do so! You cannot fix a relationship with a child; although you can delay the inevitable. Discipline is very important to your future; because if that discipline in you does not match your partner/ then the living will be a disappointment to you both. Discipline is: for example, “if one person wants to spend every penny/ and the other wants to save every penny”; trouble is ahead. That holds true for a wide range of real life issues; which you should resolve prior to any commitment: because they will be dealt with, or they will make one or both of you sad.

The sexual truth of every marriage is:  that we do belong to each other, so long as the respect on both sides, is honest and pure enough to deserve that kind of commitment. MOST are not! Sex is a quality of life decision, NOT to be confused with any form of ownership! We do NOT own each other sexually or in any other way; because without freedom to define us/ we are not a partnership of life. Our choice is: to participate with each other, to bring happiness equally to each other, and to define ourselves within the lives of each other as reality of existence will allow. Or more distinctly, when we share “our bodies and our lives”; the purpose is to desire an even greater relationship than our bodies will allow. That desire for being “alive” through each other, is the blessing of heart. The ascension beyond heart is soul, wherein the relationship is with GOD as we desire ourselves to be “just one, united as two”.  That is a reality few discover; but exists for the whole.

The sexual reality of every marriage is:  until men grow up, they make love to their penis; using women. A fact of life women grow quickly to hate; which destroys many marriages. Simple as that! Men who fail to grow up (boys) believe, “if they are happy/ then women must be happy too”; simple as that. So then all they have to do is please themselves: a reality that does not include women to any degree of happiness.  So they quickly don’t want sex with you, anymore! In response, women looking for any cause or reason to keep having sex with you in this drought of emotion or value to them:  find their relief in using male for a stud (give me a baby, and this will be worth it). That gives them an excuse for not having sex, and provides the intimacy and value they seek. That commonly ends with turning male away, from getting the sex he wants (consequences erupt/ some are criminal): “just an older boy, didn’t grow up”. And the relationship fails unless both desire a child at this moment in time. If so that can heal things. If not, the consequences will linger, respect will die, and failure is imminent. So sex does matter, as does timing. Women who do not like sex “with this male”; demand a child quickly. If they don’t get a child, then they demand to be satisfied with things, or they demand I must have a child, and it does not matter how! That leads to debts, which often cannot be paid. Which leads to realities in time which produce slavery and a devaluing of “everything” because I am trapped now. Which leads to depression/ criminal activities/ corruption/ addiction/ and a wide variety of other patterns in behavior, that prove “I DON’T know what to do”. This can be one or both.

Critical respect recognizes that the freedom to express and experience your own choices, is not limited to “you get to decide everything of importance”. In fact the opposite is true. More simply: neither the man or the woman gets to decide what matters to us both. Reality divides the translation of responsibility to the honesty of who is going to have to pay the price of this. That then divides more distinctly upon who has to do the actual work of this/ over and above other factors. For example; sixty years ago, my dad thought that he would surprise my mom with a washing machine/ mom although she needed and wanted a washing machine cried for a day. Because this WAS properly defined as her decision, NOT HIS; she did the work of it/ even though he earned the money that bought it. He failed to understand: her work had a price associated with it as well. Summary: dad did not understand, as he was sure this was going to be great. Mom wanted the respect which dignified her contribution as in “I paid for this myself”. Both had to adjust.  “think about it”, and apply it to yourselves! The courage to let someone else choose for themselves is inherent in respect; without that courage your relationship will never be bound by love, only complacency or I want out.

The failure to understand:  I MUST say NO to this, is absolutely necessary as well. As relationships are grounded into dust, when one of the partners is allowed to make bad decisions for the both of them. Facing homelessness or starvation or other serious consequences of a bad decision:  means, WE are NOT going to be happy! Unless it was unavoidable, and we share the blame for what went wrong. The failure of reality is a curse of credit in America as is the atrocious blind disgrace that is called “education” in America. Credit is we want more slaves. Whereas education is: we want more cult worshipers of university; and there is very little in between that and reality. So the children get sucked in; and since this is decades old; so did their parents. If they were not taking bribes: as is worship the university which controls the currency and everything else; or be abandoned “because we don’t care”; not about ANYTHING, except ourselves!

That formally then states: a marriage is dependent upon yourselves. Because the predators are many, social realities don’t care, and few are willing to share in a constant harassment from those who make rules. With few exceptions, every rule is about taking away freedom. With few exceptions FREEDOM controls happiness through desire. Wherever freedom exists without desire, there will be catastrophe for the majority. Where desire is undisciplined, it will lead you to hate. So the question is:  what makes disciplined desire a value to freedom, and a reality of happiness through love?

The answer is: “we cannot move forward, until we make a decision”. That decision determines the direction; which identifies the destiny (we chose) or fate (we fell in) of our lives, assigned by this decision. Discipline builds a life, which means our desire must then fall within the realities of love to achieve hope for destiny. That exists, because there are only three distinct choices in every human life:  survival, which is a very limited choice formed from realities/ love or hate, which are expressive choices with experiences designed or created by you. Survival is about time.  Love or hate are directions! So then every decision that is not strictly survival is about love for the gift of being alive/ or hate, as in I want power over this life to play god as I see fit. Love or hate is a “freedom of decision” guarantee; you make your own choice, even if there are conflicts of purpose. IF YOU CHOOSE for love, as is the freedom to share and care and achieve the building of a life that I desire to be true, to me and you/ even us. Then your direction is too love, and your hope is happiness which can be described as shared expression and experiences because we care. Freedom enters in, because no matter who we are, the elemental essence of our own identity, is what we share. If I cannot show that identity to you, for whatever reason. That is because I don’t trust you. The refusal to trust, is based upon a failure in truth or respect. The refusal to trust is an elemental breakdown in  sexual destinies as well. We must hope for the ascension of love to guide our lives into creation itself:  as in “this is where we are born ALIVE”. THAT, is strictly a relationship between men and women of the opposite sex, in a relationship that shares the essence of who we are as one.

Marriage is a participation in time, a value contributing to the purpose of: “I never want to be alone again”. While that is clearly valuable, it is not functionally loving. So the question of every marriage is:  do you desire life with me, as a creation of our souls, as one/ OR, do you desire time with me, as a reality of survival made simpler by participation in the work?

Love is “a barrier with doors”. If you are invited through a door/ then you can experience love as a participation within whatever expresses itself by that truth. If you are blocked outside of those doors, then you will not experience love “with me”/ as is the right, of all who earned the reality of “passages beyond self”.

The question is then:  WHAT, are passages beyond self?

The answer:  love opens a door, only to those who have disciplined themselves not to be “simply selfish”. A passage is then the reality of order that you have assembled to create the possibility of removing selfishness from you. As selfishness exists in a wide variety of forms: there are many doors. If you can only participate beyond a single door/ you have failed your journey in life; but remain as a possibility of mercy to be shared. That is a decision only  GOD  will make.

IN CONTRAST to love, is hate; a reality of decision that is entirely selfish by conception. The only thing that matters, is me! This direction begins most of the time; when someone feels trapped by isolation/ debt/ ridicule/ or whatever removes the decision: that represents my freedom, my right. Which is to make my own decision and “not be trapped by it”/ thereby to have the authority to enforce that decision for myself. When someone feels trapped, they focus on an escape/ and when they can find no way out, they focus on “this was caused by you”; even if it is not true! Because part of hate is never admitting to being in error, or participating in the error that is now causing distress: that is a loser, and hate intends to win by revenge or violence; if necessary.

Another casualty of human decision is the failure to accept “there is a consequence for this”/ a reality of impact greater than you imagine could be true. When that decision occurs, reality enforces the consequence, and the fear of making that kind of decision causes people to hide or run away into religion. Thereby when religion is aggressive, the primary cause is “I won’t make this mistake again/ which means I MUST BELIEVE in the order this religion represents”: DON’T take that away. Compulsive or obsessive behaviors are less dramatic results.

When people fail themselves, reality insists, “this must be someone’s fault”! Hate refuses, to honestly blame self; as in I was the cause or at least did participate directly in this reality by my own choices. Love accepts the reality as a lesson to be disciplined; so as never to let this repeat again. Violence erupts when the desire is revenge, rather than simply avoidance by hate. Revenge is the result of a circling mind; which means to let “I DON’T WANT THIS”, literally take over the direction and response of your life. People blame their children as a cause for decisions which encircle them; even though the child had nothing to do with that. People blame their spouses, for what they didn’t get:  after all, “I WENT SHOPPING FOR WHAT I WANT”/ not this! As in you cheated me; even though that is not true, and in fact the opposite! Sexual use or abuse is commonly the result of hate expressed as “I own you now, or you owe me this, and I will collect”/ and this act, or this demand proves that so.

Value is the examination of reality, for its truth; thereby I can trust the decisions I will now make. Wherever truth itself will lead, that becomes a reality designed around love. Because only love builds life by truth/ whereas hate destroys life, because it will not care. Do you see the difference?

Marriage is a two-way street; which means either you are going in the same direction/ or you are not! The failure to accept EQUAL rights to the assertion of value (not limited to men or women) as is “the evidence here is proven true, therefore we should accept that direction for ourselves, by truth”;  rather than just you or me. Truth will lead us to the life we desire/ want (the basis of lies) will not!  Marriage owned by life, rather than self:  is then a relationship with truth itself in control. What is true, builds upon the direction you chose. Love has independent truths/ and so does hate.

The reality of “boys and men who have not grown up about sex” is a constant throughout society. The critical truth is, puberty is about being given a new toy; and that new toy has NO significant cost to it: UNTIL that cost proves to be true. Older men who failed the lesson; exist in the same category as a boy (not grown up, and still playing with toys/ NOT women). The functional reality of this failure, is the insistence of control. “I want my toy MORE, than I want to grow up”. To make them grow up quickly, is to enforce on simple truth:  you may not continue to have control. To do that, a “very simple machine” could easily be built (men know how) to enforce: you are NOT in control anymore, and will experience the cost of that on yourself! In that experience, the penis will cease to be a toy anymore. The question of what that brings instead is limited to a very few choices; only one of which can be directed at women.  Too scared, to let this condition happen again. This is a man’s decision/ not a woman’s: however it is fair that women should vent their reality as a direct participant in what it means when male wants only to control the chemicals, failing them entirely. Women have issues too. Growing up needs compassion and forgiveness. Growing up needs the reality of education that matters to all. Growing up is not to control, but to assist in their journey “among the weeds”.

author avatar
Jim Osterbur

Leave a Reply