to me


To me,

While I cannot conceive of whatever eternity shall be without a definable and distinct “gender reality”. I am, NOT gay/ not transgender/ not other. But critically changed by “a spiritual woman” inside. There are some things I do know, because of this. I am not “strictly male anymore”; something has been lost. I am not strictly female, regardless of “tits” growing; female lives on the inside, not simply the outside. The spiritual essence of woman is a foundation I cannot evade; things have changed. Apparently forever.

The critical question is: can I be happy, “now and forever”? Regardless of what the rest say or do. The answer is yes, life is not a description of gender, but a definition of grace. Grace means: to be blessed with or accepted by, an opportunity that could never be achieved for oneself, or through your own environment. Opportunities should never be cast aside, without a full and complete understanding of both purpose and desire, by its own design. In other words, to expect a life or a living just because it has been accepted, or even desired by you/ is not enough to sustain that as truth. What will be, is determined by what truth itself will allow. Adaption is inherent in any situation that threatens survival itself. Adaption is not the result of chaos/ but the reality of change, according to the disciplines and order; that life is required to be.

To change from “I LOVED male”. Into “I have no clue what to do, with female inside”; and she has control, so the question is not even mine to answer! IS AN ENORMOUS change, even more than is required of you. I don’t regard it as survival, but the distinction of an education beyond anything time would have accomplished on its own. I know not why!

Nonetheless, my life has been about learning, everything I needed to know; to confront you with change or you will go extinct. While being confronted with female in charge, rather than me; IS NOT on the list of what you need to know/ it is apparently what I need to know. Complicated, beyond my realm as a man to understand; but I am learning as my life really is being changed. Female arises, but NOT for the purposes of ANY man on earth. The consequences of being female are being displayed to me;  as a reality depicts exactly what it does mean to be female; as history has proven with men. To their shame! To understand is, to understand from a very different perspective. That dimensional expansion has led to a much wider appreciation of what all life endures.

To pass beyond what is simple and plain/ by understanding a greater depth of disciplines as seen by both man and woman; establishes balance.

To understand losing the very boundaries of  male, to a world inside that has endured the tragedy of what men can be: is not intended to be kind/ but clear.

What exactly is to be the end result for me, I don’t know. This writing, is about the truth: even though I bring you knowledge that you must not avoid as a humanity that will go extinct if you do. I am also confronted with knowledge that I cannot avoid; a life changed and changing. A male life trading places with woman, to realize what it means: to be on the receiving end of “gender issues”. Not “for play or other”/ but an education I cannot escape. A reality established by “the spiritual foundation of female life I am now captured in”, for whatever purpose that is to be. It is not “a desirable situation”/ or so it seems to me. But I did need her to complete my work/ and apparently she needs me for something, to complete her work; in this journey to sustain the survival of our world.

I have no clue, something female has been set into motion/ and I literally have no say. I have tried: can’t do it, she has taken control, over specific things! Only time will tell what or why: it really is “complicated (I am NOT allowed in)” nor can I say to her leave; we are joined, and I am now, “the woman” by all earth standards; she has invaded everything/ except the elemental assertion of male. Life is not the same; it seems likely, “I am about to live, the other side”. Which means women will be faced with the same decisions over power or love, as have men. NOT desirable to me in ANY form, but the evidence is beginning to mount! I don’t know why, or why me; it just is what it is. What you believe has no meaning to me; my life is, what my life is. Your inclusion in this description, is simply to remove the fantasy environment called “university knows”. They do not! Alas, it is also required. A warning to all men in all ways: “leave this life alone (friendship only)”/ or you will pay with your eternity. The body is not for you to touch, in ANY harmful way; IT BELONGS to women.

My guess regarding change is:  what I provided was primarily for men. Whatever this is, must then be primarily for women. IF the world is to survive: whatever it is to be will occur. If not, and humanity fails change for itself/ then I predict it will not proceed beyond a few more steps. There is no purpose/ unless, there will be change in YOU TOO. A world discarded past the point of no return, has no option left: it will die.

TO MEN: The spiritual world is FAR MORE powerful than you expect. Keep it in mind/ because there are no second chances, and NO mercy to be found! TO WOMEN: I am not a toy, please respect that fact, and understand what is fair. Please respect me, I “didn’t do anything”; except open a door (just to ask a question), “two seconds later, I was pulled inside, with no way out”.

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Jim Osterbur

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