human sexual elements

human sexual elements

Human sexual elements; the decisions which bring us, “male and female heartache or happiness”. According to want, or desire.

Want is: the decision “all is fair in love and war”/ that is an outright lie, as each should know; only truth is fair in love. War is never fair, in any confrontation or potential, other than: what you try to do to me/ I can equally try to do to you. Want is then a liar, and the foundation of all lies. But it is used effectively, by those plotting and planning to take over your life, because they want whatever it is, that you represent.

Desire is: the essence of value placed in your own decision, to participate as if this was (at this moment) “the most valuable purpose” in your life. Desire never shares space, with want/ as they are fundamental opposites.

So then we ask: because sex has a purpose.

WHAT is your decision, with regard to the opposite gender, and for sex? It is the decision that defines and creates you’re want or desire.

COMMON answers are:

  • I want sex, “with a trophy (I win/ they lose)”.
  • I want possessions, “the more I can get/ the more I will use this body to pay”.
  • I want position and pride: give me what I want, and I will use, or let you abuse this body, if I must.
  • I want chemicals; as I have become addicted “to my toy”.
  • I want power: to prove I can make you cry or fear as I desire. Thereby establishing I can play god over you.
  • I want security: my life is a mess, and I need someone to straighten it and me out.
  • I want to play, the grownup world is too much for me, right now. Take me away, into another place.
  • I DESIRE love, the essence of everything called heart.
  • I DESIRE trust, the value of everything that can share a place in my own heart.
  1. I DESIRE truth, therefore we can build our lives together as one.
  2. I DESIRE purpose, beyond myself, and within your arms.
  3. I DESIRE GOD; knowing it is true, that woman is the temple/ and man is the worshiper of our CREATOR.

Within these descriptions desire elevates itself by becoming all five together. While want simply settles on “just one”, with slight considerations for maybe two.

Male and female heartaches are formed from the very same things/ but exist in very different dimensional spaces. The primary ones, other than “for sale” are:

  • I cannot trust you, you lied.
  1. I have been used or abused by you, either for body or purposes other than love.
  2. I have been manipulated by you, for purposes other than my own.
  3. I have been controlled by you, as the intent to possess demands I must change.
  4. I have been tempted by you, only to find it was a trap, expected to give you power over me.
  5. I have been baited by you, just so you could prove “I can”.
  6. You have tried to be a slave to me/ so that I will not leave. A reality that does neither of us any good.
  • You have cheated me: trying to create a pregnancy, to remove my choice.
  • You have cried endlessly, to make me change my mind: regardless of the cause.
  1. You have claimed abortion; to make me suffer, even if it was not true.
  2. You have claimed, “it’s all safe”, a temptation/ and then immediately admitted “you lied”. Because the purpose was possession not love.
  3. You have claimed love (a value that cannot be measured honestly), yet it was not.


LOVE IS; a participation in happiness, because we chose to be free, in the protected environment of our trust in each other’s heart. That is neither free or without purpose. The price is, a freely given right to earn that trust with truth. The purpose is, to build the whole environment, that will become our home.

HOME constructs the disciplines and responsibilities, that are shared as our own contribution of caring, to each other; because life, and its giving of time, its passion for truth; is my gift to you.


It is the very unfortunate truth: that every life, and every love, are not meant to spend “a lifetime” together. Some will simply part, even though love and trust bind them together. The living is a partnership with survival; and survival must come first/ because all other realities of life and love follow that truth. Survival is consistent with eternity as well, but there a life requires only truth, respect, discipline, and love.

Others want what they want, and spend their days collecting trophies. Once they have obtained you/ they go on to the next trophy, and so on.

The decision to change someone else, or make them do something else.  To suit you better, is NOT fair/ and complications, including anger will arise. That includes the disciplines of life, and what you will or will not accept as the price of our lives together: defines, what the future will be. If you are very disciplined and someone else is not: whether that is in money, or time, or eating too much or too little, or whatever it is. The future is not likely to present you with, as happy as we can be. The question is compromise. The reality is: what will be true for you? We are individuals, we do have a right to choose, what will be true for me. That includes all paths forward/ but you cannot reverse those decisions.

Commitment means: I, by my own methods and ways of making a decision/ have deliberately chosen, to make this relationship: my most important truth. If you cannot do that/ then you cannot commit to the relationship. Because whatsoever is most important to you: will govern your future. If you choose to commit anyway/ then your decision will cause their future to change as well; even if they refuse.


DATING, requires the conditional response of friendship. Without friendship there is no dating. Without friendship the future has no respect. A friend chooses you/ just as you choose them.

So the invitation to date is: whatever you believe friendship can be defined as/ and accepted by both sides. What you then do together, cannot be undone. Because life, nor body, is a toy.


Given that truth, I will note the following: having a purpose, that required ALL life on earth comes first. When young; I originally hoped, that “female and I” could experience and express love for a short time; and then part. As something love would express as joy, in a memory shared.

That would not be so, as the reality of parting would always be “with too many tears”. It became apparent as well: that to interrupt a female life without the purpose of intending to stay. Was in fact being disloyal to the purpose of love: because it changed her trajectory, in finding a mate who would stay. It was not fair, even though the conception of love was. So I quit.

One of the most distinct realities of male and female participation is sex. The most prevalent delusion is: man commonly believes, if the sex made me happy/ THEN it must have made you happy. So, I am done here! ALAS;  sex isn’t happy/ until both are satisfied. Wake up, and pay attention.

The most common woman belief is: letting you have sex with me/ now means, YOU OWE ME. Did we not choose this together? If I owe you, then there was a price.

A word of warning: “give the most precious love you have/ ONLY TO GOD”. Because that is the seed, which allows you to return to love, when or if your own love breaks. The value of a heart is infinite, the value of a soul is eternal. NEVER surrender, or give away; “the very best you have”. Give it to GOD instead, that HE may refresh you/ that HE may share it through your soul, with someone who does love you.

The reality is: people need, want, or desire different things in their time on earth. If that need cannot be matched/ then there will be trouble coming. If you pretend to match someone else; that is a game you elected to play, or play along with. The end result of that decision is: “it’s your fault too”. Both failed to grow up first.

A broken love is, I failed my own heart.

I will offer you one piece of advice: if you never talk about previous sexual experiences/ then you never have to talk about previous sexual experiences. Because ultimately, they should not matter; if indeed you found, the honesty of love. Whereas if you start the conversation, it can wind its way, and hide its fate: far beyond the intended desire. Very little can be gained.

. In contrast to that, sexual disease, or other serious medical contagions:  is an absolute necessity to converse about. Just remember this:  “people lie/ and that includes both men and women”.

Advice to the young: even though your body is mature enough. Opening the door to sex: demands that you will inherit every possible complication sex can provide. Along with endless tears, pregnancy scares, abortion whether true or not, games designed to manipulate, lies to control you, and various other unintended consequences that take your innocence away. Innocence is: not knowing how much you can influence or change another life, even if you never intended to do such a thing. Which includes your own. “you cannot put a baby back inside”/ or change the consequence: “I can’t be young anymore”.

Advice to the married: never underestimate the power of sex in your own relationship/ fail to happily, do your part, and there will be consequences. That does not change with age.

Advice to the divorced: you participated, when you should have said no. The cost of that is: the price will go up.

Advice to the lonely: “never want”, and you will never need to be sad. Life is about living, it is not about the realities we missed: but the truth we sought, in our own quest, “to enter within the miracle that is life itself”. We cannot make anyone “love us”/ that is not a reality we can choose; regardless of desire. We can love ourselves, with the discipline that is: “being ALIVE”. It is found, in the values of your own heart. Be at peace (your heart is a friend).  GOD  does love you: as is witnessed to by JESUS. His life stands as the guarantor, we are not abandoned. Consequently try the Christian churches if in need. They are not “great”/ but some do try. When challenged by reality, understand very simply: the body image, is primarily a gift from the choices made by your ancestors. Some are good, some are not: either way, it is not a reflection upon you/ it is a reality that none can avoid. When challenged by social conduct: know this, the values of your heart, are more important than the conversation or behaviors of your tongue.

The constant of life is: the value (love expressed to you) of sex/ the curse (peace, happiness, and security can die) of sex/ the consequences (not a game) of sex/ and the relationships either won or lost due to sex (you must commit, or be found taking. You must accept, or be denied access.). Once you open the “bedroom door”, to someone else, it is extremely hard to close: “tears/ lies/ plotting/ temptations/ heartache/ (CHOOSE ME)/ etc. Which then becomes: everything revolves around sex, and friendship more often than not, will be lost. Because the cost of sex is: that we cannot simply take from each other, unless we give that back. Few do. Love is a gift, once given away, it does become the possession of that other person. Love is a passionate embrace, and most want desperately to keep it for themselves/ demanding more (want appears), instead of returning the favor, that is “I love you too”. Love is, the elemental courage of life itself, the foundation upon which we build, our own desire to live. It is no small thing, and once you lose that love: there will be a fight with loneliness, to regain it.

We cannot save from themselves; any other person, not one single one: so don’t try. We can, show the value of our own heart, and “point the way/ or testify as to how this came to be; in our own words, actions, and desires”. Nobody is perfect, which means forgive as best you can: or be lonely. Remember this, marriage is asking for a lifetime: why should it not be hard/ why should it not require the truth of your own commitment. Which means no one can decide that for you either; and they should not ask. So, the vast majority being unable to commit; choose for sex, choose against loneliness, choose for security or comfort or trophies. But only the lucky, get to choose because of love. Be brave but not stupid. Be honest, but not righteous. Be hopeful, but not without reality. Be loving, but not without the honesty of love coming back to you. Choose respect, or there is no relationship; it is a trap. Choose truth, or even friendship will die. Choose love, or the values given by an open heart, will simply fade away, because trust cannot be sustained. Truth survives, trust bonds, respect creates, love sustains, life is a miracle, sex confronts us “with moments”, and  GOD is only found in soul. Soul requires time too, as does living, as does loving, as does the search for truth.

If you are without sex, or companionship: it is not the end of your world. GOD is both life and death; a reality that exceeds in its relationship to your existence: anything a human being can offer. Even so, offer friendship, be open and consider every conversation as an opportunity to listen and participate with love, honesty, and truth. If you find none desire that, then are you not “better off alone”? Just having someone else sharing your time, does not make you happy. To be happy, you must share love; everything else is just a disguise.

This discussion ends on the simple truth: there is no such thing as romance/ even though there should be.

Romance is, an open heart sharing the gift of time, the treasury of embrace, the hopes for life, the discovery of body, and the relationships which ignite the truth of what is desirable in me and you. It is, “everything happy”, to be found in us, as moments will allow.

These elegant expressions, present an experience that will not accept: “these are the memories” we shared. The gift of one heart to another/ even one soul to another, that is more by far, than we can achieve alone. Instead, particularly in youth: they become “a spider’s web”, of demands insisting you cannot leave me now; with every form of passion, and tear, that can be imagined. “Even if I must”. Romance is for marriage, because nothing less can envision the possibility of forever.

If humanity was less caustic to each other. Less defined by want, and able to attain true respect: it would not be so.

If you don’t understand and accept, that life is a true miracle/ then you will never find romance, nor will you achieve love. The universities stole it from you:  “with, the fairy tale, called evolution”. Just remember this: “you accepted”.

Because, “Love is, the elemental courage of life itself, the foundation upon which we build, our own desire to live.” We ask the question: what is life? The answer becomes, the essence of thought, by the freedom to conceive of self. To then desire “a living”/ rather than an ending, the foundation is: to accept hope for all that has value, will become, “our destiny”. The creation of family, by the definitions of truth, trust, and respect: is its course.

I have met beautiful women, who could not find a date; and didn’t know why. But the answer was, “men attacked them, or created trouble in someone they knew early on, with their endless intent for sex, or a prize; making them afraid.”

I have met women who were more than attractive enough to allure men; who hid in fat: because they were not willing to pay the price of men. The majority of whom are looking for chemical sex.

I have met somewhat unattractive women, who had all the dates they wanted: because they were not afraid of men (they communicated easily) or sex (we will both decide). The reality being: the men were not so driven to have sex/ that they could be made to stop.

I have met men who were ridiculed to the point of failure; because some women were absolutely tired of being approached/ so they took the easy way out. To push any man they didn’t want, back. Rape tends to start here, where hate exists anyway. Shy men use that approach to prove “they tried”; so don’t blame me. When in fact, they never expected to succeed: so it was just to end the claim of other men, “scared”.

The final element in the search for companionship between men and women is, that pretty much everything “less than completely” bad: originates in schooling/ or can be improved dramatically by schooling. The education system and its leadership get an F. In what is one of the most important elements of life, that humanity requires participation in. I personally believe in “plain, simple, and blunt”/ but not insensitive, gross, stupid, or unkind; so as nobody is guessing about what did you really mean. More distinctly, if we find ourselves passing beyond communication, and mutually interested in “the elements of heart”: let’s just be honest, so no tears need to fall.

In contrast to that is the male animal: where want determines what it can or cannot do/ because they are overcome with lust. The only real way to combat that, is to turn “their toy”/ into a reality of consequences, that is not, and should never be  “a toy” again. That is easily remedied: when they understand, their own sexual reality has become; beyond their own control. Or more simply, it is not a game, or a toy anymore; when you don’t control, or directly participate in the outcome. “it controls you (just like drugs control the addict)”; is the essence of all rape/ perversion/ and other sex crimes. NO, that is not an excuse; it is your failure, in discipline/ your reality of personal surrender, and then betrayal/ the caustic disgrace, that is no balance in life and hope and dignity or respect to or for the others.

Love is not a distinction of sex. NOT A GAME, which means if you love someone you cannot, and you do not prove that with sex. Sex is only sex, a chemical description: until true love makes it more. Love is, the value you have become, over and above all other things. Its description is: RESPECT, trust, truth, caring, sharing, hope, and openness. As is: “we have become as one”.

I will note this: that male and female will always play games with each other/ it is a good thing. Until one or the other asks for what is more serious, as is sex. I used to believe that it is ok to return what was used (can I make him)/ in the same kind of way. But that turned out to be wrong. Particularly with anything sexual. While such things are discarded easily in me/ it is not so easily discarded in others, and still clearly affects them years later. Never intended. Never going to do that again, because the lesson is: we are not all the same. It should be noted as well: that conversations between men and women often do not mean the same thing. So don’t interpret/ just ask, or you could easily be completely wrong. The consequence, “men and women don’t talk”. They search for sex, when they feel a need for sex; and after the consequences of, “we want”: that need determines most of what will become their future. The cost of not a game anymore, can be high.

There are three things necessary, in learning how to pick up/ invite men to ask you out.

  • You must present something that will allow someone, a conversation starter. That can be a wide variety of things/ basically anything slightly unusual or indicative of what you like. If you are pretty enough/ DON’T use these things, because that then brings more attention than you want; and pretty girls start beating up men with words: go away! Leave it alone. Pretty actually means: its your job to introduce “excess men” to another girl. So that all can be happy. It doesn’t matter how pretty you are, if it appears that you are “unapproachable”.
  • BE AWARE of what you are commonly saying: as in if you are constantly complaining/ or isolating yourself with words/ or failing to hear an invitation when it starts/ or pushing people away, because you are too busy; or whatever it is. If you are having trouble: the best thing you can do for yourself is create a recording of your interactions with men; so as to recognize where you go wrong, and when it was possible to extend this conversation into something more.
  • Be smart/ but not stupid. Which means don’t give out more information than you need to. But do go on blind dates with a safe couple, or in safe places so that you can meet a new group of people; and extend your possibilities from there. Spending time with one person is NOT a commitment to a lifetime. It is only the opportunity to expand your relationships from there. Why should you not expect to “meet a hundred possible mates” before you find someone who fills the need or desire. Don’t chain yourself to your new friend: be fair, it’s important; he or she is not a trophy, nor are they going to be your savior. Love takes time, or it is very clear from the beginning. Stop wanting (be alive, in a world filled with miracles), and you won’t need to be saved. Go to places where you can meet other people, AND have the opportunity to talk to them. when this includes work; work hard/ but if someone asks to talk, give them an open heart and the time it takes, to know: if we can meet later.Ain’t nobody perfect; and its just as well, because you aren’t perfect either! Just remember this: when looking in the mirror, BE MORE HONEST with yourself/ so you can be more honest with each other. The mirror does lie, more often than not. Causing people to believe they are more than they are/ or less than they truly are. The cost of an image whether beautiful or ugly is: the scenery isn’t enough to keep you alive. It takes truth, respect, caring, sharing, balance, honesty, happiness, responsibility, courage, discipline, freedom, order, trust; and a LACK of wanting (an abyss, “never enough”: the foundation of lies) to accomplish that. You, can’t find that in a mirror, or “a picture image”!



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Jim Osterbur

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