I am suddenly met with the “mother in law: of my ex-wife’s, second husband”; a surprise. It seems my ex-wife has had a major heart attack; making me just a bit, reminiscent. Since this is my website, and I don’t care much about the content anymore: the work is done.
I will let some feelings out; particularly since you just don’t care.
It was to be the reality of our lives; that we accomplished love to some degree for both. That held us together, even though my own interest was to be: fighting for the safety of this earth was first. A reality that required much, if it was to become true. Her desire was to live a life “similar to all the rest”. So then, even though we found love, at least in the beginning: the living drove us apart, as she wanted what she wanted. And I desired that life must come first. The end result of it, was a desperation, that became the cause of lies, that became the destruction of truth, and thereby ended trust. Which then became, “we just can’t live together anymore”. A reality driven in the very first degree by weapons of mass destruction, and the cost of letting people be wrong.
I remember the value of lives held together when “everything was going right/ the timing was real”. I also remember the destruction of everything going awry; when the cost of living separate, or changing ourselves proved to be too much. The price simply got too high: because we each needed to be, “the life we were destined to live”. There is no real blame in that.
The reality to be learned was: romance which is akin to love, and descriptive of the life we could share together/ has a cost. That cost would translate itself into: I can’t/ nor can you: allow romance to control life, by letting it rule over time. Truth comes first. The cost would translate itself into: it is wrong, to be romantic with a woman/ when you simply cannot stay. Because it breaks their heart, when you leave. Not even a little bit, by limiting that romance to the least possible reality: still “breaks their heart, if they know, this is a true value to me”. A hard lesson: a reality that establishes loneliness; because the price of being that wrong with romance; is just too high.
The value of life is love, simple as that; everything else is just want, or pride, and want will make a liar out of you. Pride will insist life is a game, and that causes all manner of pain and consequences.
The lesson of my marriage is: vowing to each other that I will love you, “is NO game”. The lesson of love is, sharing and caring construct the future of what we desire; but it is the living that makes it possible. Without the living, and the reality of our most important desire being shared {she wanted a common life/ I needed my life to be very different}: there will not be love, because we as humanity on earth, cannot sustain that future. Truth keeps us alive, love lets us value the living. Ironically, if she had just let me go, in the beginning: “to consider how much this relationship meant to me”/ it is entirely possible, everything could have been different. It is likely I would have returned, ready to discuss a life together: shared by truth. She could not do that, and fought to keep me close; which ironically caused me to move much farther away. At that point mistakes were made continually on both sides.

That is a constant with my parents as well: as they expected “normal”/ and I was never quite that. Society never understood me either; but not to worry “give them a pebble, and they would create a sandstorm”; after all, what is better than using your own imagination to say “its all true”. Just like the university elite does, when “It finds a pebble”! The future I desired, could not be understood; because it was not “your future”. I look the same, how could I be different? Everyone is different, I just a bit more so: never homosexual, in any conceivable way. I regard the reality of our marriage, “without blame”; as it is true, the foundation was built on love. But the world intervened, and I could not live the life she wanted: can’t blame her for wanting the same as the rest. However, My own commitment arose or came from “the Cuban missile crisis”; you can’t truly blame me for that. I did make a true decision, pleading to GOD: please help us survive this, and I will commit my life to stopping these things. Unfortunately the list of things that needed to be stopped, just kept growing throughout the decades since.
Unfortunately, what I considered to be: “can’t take more than a decade”/ became a lifetime. Because the problem was not that “you just didn’t understand the reality”. Rather the problem was: humanity just wanted to play games, and win a big trophy so they could gloat to the rest. Never once accepting a responsibility to life itself. Oh well, it is not my right to judge; after all, we are free to be what we do truly desire; as best we can. So, even though my failure was real/ the validity of my work was also real; and the consequences humanity chose for itself will be horrific. My consolation is: “not my fault/ I did do my duty”. Simple as that, a lifetime of work falls onto, “it was my duty”/ even if you never came along. She could not do it either, and she did love me “a little, or more”. I loved her, but did not choose to live her life either. We each needed “a bit more”! I honestly conceive of the idea, “it was just meant to be”. A reality justified by the, “it was an education”, that has benefited this work.
So I won’t blame you either, and we all die together, taking every life on earth with us; because that is the price of these threats humanity chose. OR, you die, before the clear and obvious end will come. Although that won’t be long now; as the evidence does prove true.
We walk together as a world in this; NOT because we want to/ but because we all live on this earth, and we all need nature, resources, and all the rest: same-same.
YOU will wake up, when its too late to change reality back to life/ I will complain, “its too damn late”. Then we surrender this earth to failure and death; simple as that, because “TRUTH COMES FIRST”. Or we all fail life, and even love itself.

As to “our love”; its a lesson more than a romance after the initial beginning time. In terms of defining what went wrong, it is fair to say: “she tried the first year, while I did not”. I tried the second year, while she did not. The end result: “you, can’t save another life/ and it is wrong to try”. You can’t change another life, because you have no right to ask/ nor the power to judge. Love is a treasure hard to part with/ but without a world to live in: there can be no place for love. Consequently truth must always come first.
Let only truth lead the way!

It comes to my attention, that it is only fair: the following notation, should be included in this writing.
At the introduction of high school, it was my request “to be like the rest”/ in order to understand what it is, that made these different than me. It was granted, and the fundamentals of my life which are “thought/ search/ question”; were dismissed for those “teenage years”.
To live only for the moment, acting and reacting to whatever the moment brought to life/ to be “part of the herd” instead of independent, as is surrounded by life. Had both a value, and a tragedy. The value was an immediate potential for love/ the tragedy, actions will occur that are unprepared for; making it imperative that you simply react, instead of think. Because once in motion, there is no time to prepare: you must do, what you can do, right now in the moment at hand. Or whatever bad things this action will produce: will multiply. I found the tragedy more severe, than the value: and gladly returned to my own ways. To build a future is better, than to simply fall into a reality that cannot be controlled; with harmony, love, or peace.
Noted then is the fact, that I appeared much like all the rest. There was no intent to deceive, I simply let “humanity decide”. Even so, the conception that I could or would be like the rest; as is consistent with my ex-wife’s realistic expectation. Was simply not attainable/ nor did it become desired. We were simply caught in the moment of love; and faced with living a reality neither of us could own. I would argue, for all intents and purposes involved: “no fault” on either side/ even though the cost was high. HONEST Love is worth the price. It simply cannot be bought, with anything but the truth.

The primary lesson of my life, and that time being: the passions of love should be embraced without excessive mistrust: it is “coming alive”/ BUT instead of “falling into whatever comes next”. The value of listening and learning and accepting is: if this is true, there will be no lies needed. There will be harmony, peace as is consistent with value, the dignity of a life that does not need to be perfect, and the respect which comes from understanding: life is not a game, it is evidence which then defines who we are, through time.

UNFORTUNATELY, the reality of all women seems to be; having found someone they desire, “it is extremely hard/ even heartbreaking, to let go”. If you cannot stay, as is “the living”/ then it is simply wrong to begin. Because it affects the life of someone else far too much. “Just how it is”.

Let it be noted as well: stopping the search of man for woman, to live alone: is also hard. Because the desire is there, even if the life to share and care; is not. Consequently men make decisions accordingly. My own decision came down to “I can’t live this way (can’t do this/ can’t do that; it will go wrong, when I leave) anymore: either pay the price (let someone cry) or stop”. I chose to stop completely; as that was consistent with my true “first desire”: to fight for this world of life and planet. Until it is safe, or lost.

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Jim Osterbur

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