To: whom it may concern
Having been through a similar process of life, married to someone who wanted me/ but wanted me to be someone else (what she wanted me to be) as well. The reality of heartbreak is known. The lesson to be learned is a simple one: never let a relationship (any relationship) be more important than the truth.
Truth is the only thing that survives/ therefore truth is the only thing that keeps us alive. Truth holds a family together/ lies tear it apart. Therefore whosoever is responsible for the lies, becomes responsible for what happens to a family. It is that simple, so long as you care/ and do the best you can under the circumstances.
Without respect there is no relationship/ which means we cannot be friends here, “like this”. Until each does understand: my contribution, my work was important too. Life is not just about you.
Without the laws that are justified and fair for each one. Honest in their purpose for peace and harmony: there is only chaos/ and that benefits no one, not even the guilty. While the courts are largely corrupt: that is an entirely different subject.
So then the question is: how do we each survive our own independent heartache? Heartache means: this was important to me, I did care, and I did share; which means I honestly loved this person or these people/ who now cause me severe distress!
The answer is: no amount of drama or emotion as is “this is all about me” will find a solution. Those are all just mental, “prison walls (I am the only important thing/ just me)”. The constant answer of life as an entity of its own, by discarding self: is to understand, while truth might not always be pleasant or even seem desirable/ it is always steady and sure. Stable and safe, because with truth order defines a future we will survive. Even if attacked by those who only want “what they want; by using you”.
LOVE is the problem, more than it is the solution. Because love lets us alter and bend and forgive the lies/ when we know this is not true, or in the interest of our future. Love cannot lead life, LOVE can only make truth better; because it enhances, and cherishes all things true. Love is the reward for truth, as passion builds a life that can be shared, because we did care for each other; and made that true. Which creates trust: as is “I am/ we are, home”.
You face a new beginning; just as I have faced a new beginning time and again. The lessons learned will provide a better path; because what does not work, has been proven true. That doesn’t mean it is easy/ but it does mean: you get to choose a better you, if that is your true desire. If not, the cost of being wrong will simply multiply, and begin again.
It is best to identify what went wrong and why: so as to understand better what not to repeat. To understand better: how, did this go wrong? I know very little about your life for the last decade or more, in years/ but I will offer just a little.
I suspect that the BIG change was initiated when you tipped the go cart on your head! Which brought reality home, to each and every member of your family. You had to understand the consequences of this decision could have easily made you into a quadriplegic or dead. That fact changes people, and it did you as well. __________ also had to deal with the fact of how this could have changed her life as well: making decisions that did affect you. Each child had a new understanding of life and death; and reality.
The consequences from that led it seems to removing the threat of go carts and other things; previously enjoyed by the family; which means you were no longer doing things together. The consequence of that is: people become separated, and communication fails. It is a natural part of the process required, when we must fail our mortality. But what happens then, as time goes on: is strictly a decision made by each one.
Clearly _________ began lying more, and becoming more selfish about what she wanted her life to be. Want is an abyss; because no matter what you want/ there is always more to be wanted: so the hole you create for yourself, cannot be filled. That is an intentional evasion of life: “usually, because I cannot face the ultimate conclusion” which is death.
Lies destroy trust, and make family impossible: every lie destroys a foundation upon which our lives depend for our own, very survival/ each one. Consequently the lies tear family apart; and if you cannot make the lies stop: it is easier to avoid the lies and the consequences by working your life away. Even so, when want takes over badly; people try to buy the happiness they are losing/ and that multiplies over time. Until the debts take over life/ and no choices exist: a slave to the reality of consequences that we chose. It is true, when living together as family: if you bend to “love”/ or simply avoid the fight: that is a choice. That should not have occurred: where the reality is important. Such as spending into bankruptcy/ or letting violence decide for itself. As is letting each child raise themselves: because I just cannot do more. “The woman I live with, is too violent in herself to change”. I need to survive too! Unfortunately, if we don’t deal with the problems that arise/ they just grow into worse. Separating the money/ separating the house/ separating the parenting: until reality proves what is true; is the method to be used. But that is not easy either.
Truth is ultimately the only “easy answer”/ because it is sustainable. Truth means: this answer is not about you, nor is it about me, nor is it about us or anything other than what is true. Thereby truth decides, as it acknowledges the consequences of being wrong, and seeks a destiny (we build, so we can be alive, in peace and love). Rather than we let chaos reign, to then endure the fate of what those consequences brought instead. It is a choice. Not a personal choice; other than to recognize and accept: the best we can understand, what truth is.
That is the short version
The value of being ALIVE, is to understand the miracle of life itself; as is nothing compares, but life itself. To understand the body is a miracle, and everything about it must be honored and defended for life/ BUT, if you fail to realize, it is a value that cannot be kept: cowardice will erupt. Death will come, so we must prepare; each and every single one. The only real question is when. Cowardice is: accepting “I have too much to lose/ I cannot risk anything”/ even if life needs you to be brave. The value of courage, is a life worth living.
Possessions have little to do with a life worth living. Your heart, your soul, your love, your passion, your desire, your acceptance, and your destiny are all bound up in the identity of your individual truth. Fail that truth, and you fail yourself/ even your eternity. Do not concern yourself with failure/ what is true cannot be changed. Concern yourself ONLY with what you can be now; as the best you can be: as a purity that you can own, because this is your choice/ this is “who I am”. Owning that, has value, beyond possessions.
So, having very limited information as to the situation you are in: I offer these broad concepts.
1. Take a month long vacation, with “friend” if possible/ so as to adjust. A vacation is: I refuse to be concerned with anything, that is not absolutely critical. Limited work goes along with that, because introspection (understanding myself) is required. You, are able because you do have family to help you. We can make this better.
2. Pride is the only barrier to your own future. Pride is the demand to make life a game: so that you can declare yourself a winner. Which also requires you to make someone else a loser. Discard pride: LIFE IS NOT a game. Which means there are no winners or losers; we are equal, regardless of the situation.
3. Family means: to care with truth. To be responsible for what you can do, when it is important that you do what you can do.
4. When damaged or injured to the point of crisis. Means, the wound must be cleaned out/ so that all that is wrong, can be removed. To establish a clean beginning, that will then last. Because it starts again, at the point of life we know is true to living. No easy task, but worth the cost. Each IS responsible, for their own decision. You are not responsible for theirs/ you are responsible for yours! Regardless how that reality turns out: each chooses for oneself. Its called freedom.
5. Putting a family back together, when it has crumbled apart means: that you will adjust your pride or throw it away. Forgiveness, is earned when an individual knows they are in fact sorry for what went wrong. Your part, is to acknowledge “I ain’t perfect either/ and neither is anyone else”: as does, truth heal. Be patient, tolerant, have mercy when it is honest, be fair/ kind/ and gentle if you can.
6. Putting a marriage back together, cannot be for the sake of the children. Once damaged too greatly, it is over: each must go on as best they can. That is the choice you both made. That is the reality of not stopping the process of failing each other, when it was possible to do so. I know, as I failed that reality as well: lessons learned!
7. It is without doubt, that religion exists to put discipline back into your life, with the order that has been accepted over time: which is known to help. That is for you to decide for yourselves. Religion is a beginning/ NOT more. But it does provide a path into the realities identified as eternal: as is truth.
The question then is: do you have the courage to fix what is wrong, and begin again?
Nobody can answer that but you. Nobody can be accused of making you fail, but you. Because no matter the end result: this is the life that resulted. A BETTER LIFE requires better choices, and the courage to search within the words “I AM ALIVE”. A miracle is vast, an eternity is even more.