The seven elements, of actively searching for a “romantic partner”/ husband, wife, or friend.

  1. You do have to be noticed; which means, you do have to be more than a “wallflower”. Tattoo’s (wall paper) are a very poor substitute for life. Do whatever it is you can do, that is not substantially dangerous, or vile.
  2. Once noticed, the question is: will you fit into my life/ will I fit into your life and future? That requires time, and time requires you to accept the value of being open for new or different things and experiences (don’t just say no); as best you can/ or desire to do. Life cannot only be about work; you do need to value other parts of living, and translate that into something we can share together. If all you have to offer is work/ then what you offer is work. The constant between male and female relationships is: “help me learn how to play, to be happy”/ and we can go far. Playtime ignites romance, and romance then builds the possibilities called “a home for us”. Because the primary element involved in securing a value to be shared, is to honestly establish a decision to share this with you.
    Doing what you will refuse later, will not help you sustain a relationship; so be honest with your life, and each other. Happiness is: I have found my home.
  3. The critical substance of spending time together revolves around these decisions: will this be fun for me/ will this benefit my life/ or will this take from me, what I otherwise would refuse to give to you? Make a decision/ not a judgment, as each has a right to their own life choices. Particularly, In youth, the need for an adventure means: I no not the desire for “a home” at this time.
  4. The foundation of friendship is: that I won’t cause you harm, you can depend upon me/ just as much as I can trust you to be the same for me. The purpose of friendship is: that my heart needs a home, and my soul rejoices in the truth; that you are like me. Therefore we can share, because you know the value I seek to give. The truth I seek to care is real. The difference between a friend, and a marriage is: that we grow as one/ not as two.
  5. The critical discovery of values, is subject to the understanding: that we can be truthful with each other/ and we will be truthful as is honest with ourselves, so that we can build a relationship on trust. Trust is the binding that shapes what love can be. Love is: “being ALIVE” in the grace of miracles, that light up the possibilities of an eternity we might share”. In that truth, it is impossible not to find or share: Joy. Love is that joy, to the degree you accept life itself, as true.
  6. Love seeks a life in peace, harmony, hope, intimacy, values, discipline, order, balance, securities, romance (between male and female), freedoms, acceptance, and respect. It does not seek out trouble, anger or hate, revenge, judgment, ridicule, bullying, sickness of mind or body, nor a life unfit for the future. Do the best you can, and prove the best I can be for you.
  7. Without respect, there is no relationship/ even if there is lust, manipulation, control, abuse or use; etc. RESPECT identifies the truth that I have shared something with you, that is precious to me and to you; because I cared. The constant curse of man is: “now I owe him or her something”/ and I don’t want to pay; so I refuse to respect that reality: and make up lies. Because I want, to be superior/ and I have judged inferior, which causes revenge. Women have a slightly different take, but it ends with the same: the price of you; is too high for me!

the tools are: to listen comes first/ because without an honest reflection, that I have been heard: the only thing left is sex, abuse, or use. Listening means: “you literally CANNOT finish someone elses’ thoughts, sentences, purposes, wants, or anything else”: INSTEAD YOU must have patience, and actually hear what they are attempting to say. If you can correct them in a lie, and they accept their own responsibility to tell the truth: both of you will benefit/ even if they then leave. Liars tell lies, bear that in mind as you listen; and discard the liar; because their want will just try to consume your life.

To get someones’ attention; requires only the testament of something that joins us together; as a potential for friendship. If you use sex to gather attention/ then what you are expected to offer is sex: and sex does not lead to friendship; it simply leads to lust. Which is a form of abuse, or use of your body, by neglecting your life. I was married once: I noticed the young woman sitting in a window (first time)/ plainly thinking about life: a reality I found attractive. “for instance”.

The cost of male and female relationships is: sex sits at the door knocking to be let in/ at most times, for one or both. The consequence of that is: it will turn friendship, into a decision that requires your attention/ instead of your love. When you divide your love into an act or reaction to the decision of someone else that you do desire to remain friends with: the consequences can be unfortunate. Eventually making even the most desirable of relationships: a cost too high to bear. The tragedy of young women to young men is: they all know “claim pregnancy” and they have to make a decision. But if not you have to declare an abortion/ another “knife wound” for both. The tragedy of young men to young women is: they want the sex, and they want you/ but adventure awaits, the demand to create a life for yourself is beckoning, and the time required to do all things: is not given to be shared extensively, until those decisions have been established. Which makes young love fraught with the perils, of this will change our lives/ from a choice, to an action, that does not reflect our true desires. Lives are changed forever due to inappropriate (we are not ready yet) sexual demands. After 12 or 15 “I am pregnant/ I had an abortion” episodes: I quit having intercourse with women/ because none could be trusted anymore. Not a valued response/ but a real one. Few were allowed to get close enough to try. While sex is “fun”/ the reality of “perfectly safe, no possibility of getting pregnant: can be changed instantly, into “I lied”. People who want you to “be their solution”/ do let their own want govern what they do. After all, you got sex: that justifies a lifetime commitment: does it not? Etcetera, and more. NO children were born to me/ I CHECKED carefully, and for sure.

You cannot buy a relationship/ but you can rent one, if spending enough (not necessarily money)! The choice is: wherever want exists, it can and will be exploited. Just as wherever resources exist, there will be those trying to obtain it from you; by all means necessary. The value of a friendship, is to determine who desires “me”/ not, what I represent to you. The value of respect is: I am not what I can do/ I am what I choose to be. End want, stop pride: and only then can you find yourself, or another.

To play means to accept: life does not have to be “a reality with consequences” all the time/ so long as we have the means, to spend our time “without a cost to either”. The consequence of play is: that people then want more than play, and they seek to make you choose “for them” in real life situations/ they intend to use, to judge whether or not you are willing to accept them as “your lifelong mate”. You paid for this/ therefore most trust at that point. But that is only one quarter of the reality they have created. Once the decision is made, several more are required: if the answer is yes/ the question reverts too: DO I THEN really want to do this thing “as us”? On both sides of the line. Many times, one or the other just want to know the answer: to understand if this is working for me, to use elsewhere? Or more distinctly, while play creates the romance: only truth can bring romance to its fruition. Because life is not built on play.

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Jim Osterbur

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