the shape of time


This is 4/ 30/ 2020 the list of critical questions to my own life, is long; and now unanswered as to the relationship that will form in this my future as life. Why you are invited to read about that reality is unclear; but I tell you this. Whatever your fate or destiny will be for this earth; is no longer mine to be concerned with: as life has seen fit to remove the essence of my time on earth/ and replace it, with values that can only be shared. My male identity remains, even if “the body itself” is functionally lost. A reality that has many questions. A destiny, that lives inside the conception: what is both male and female shall now decide/ but with female “holding the keys”; to what the living body will be. The body of life decides, what those keys will be; that remains unclear.

The body of time, identifies what our truth as one will be; I do not know.

This is a search beyond time, as clearly truth proves: humanity chooses extinction/ because neither male or female, will rise for life. To your shame. I suppose then, the realities and relationships to be formed in me; will apply to those few, mercy will grant “an opening door” to life beyond time.

As for me, with the eviction of, the vast majority of male; a lot of information has vanished/ no longer needed. No longer a desire to confront or prove anything. So the question begins as: am I still male? The answer to that is formed in identity, and my identity remains male; my destination in this spiritual condition of living, is that female shall now rule the living; and I have earned only the right “to voice my truth”. Participation is then “as the wife” in this relationship: or more distinctly, I am required “to take second place”; in what determines our living as one life to be shared. “life is strange” and surprising; but worth the price.

The critical definitions are: because freedom is such an important piece of happiness, what then can my freedoms be? What can the truth of our relationship, as living is essential and important to each of us: be determined by? While I am not “the one most capable of keeping life sustained” anymore; that does not mean, I would technically choose to be slave, or anything relating to that term. So the composition of our experience as one life shared, must be expressed within caring; as I do present value here, even if not as “the most important one, to our survival as lives, living”.

The list is very long, and I don’t wish to continue at this time. Adjustments must be made, realities must be assigned, truths must conceive of “new disciplines and order”, values must be reassessed to assemble our identity as one. Although somewhat complex, it is not a reality difficult to understand/ it is much more, a new set of disciplines and order/ a new shape and form, to the balance needed, to be accepted.

It is a journey of its own accord.

It is a prison, with little reprieve; as I learn, I do not know how to be female/ I do not know how to think female/ I do not know what female is suppose to be; and I am not allowed to remain male, as I have always been; before this time in my life. No clue how it ends; endure is all I have.

The reality of it forces me to accept: I must understand, what female is suppose to be, and begin there with the question, “WHAT, is female”?

“its going to be a long journey/ as I DO NOT, even have a clue where to truly begin; as I have very little to work with”. Nonetheless, I begin where the discipline of order allows. Female is a different dimensional entity than male; not unlike “we come from different planets”. Or, more distinctly, we are opposites formed from the same experience. But we are also born that way, as opposites; with a very different view of life and body. Male bodies are functionally a tool that we use to identify life in what the body is, or can be/ while female bodies are the identity of life itself, as a value determined by what happens to that body. The critical essence of change is then: instead of male using a body, to form a life/ female must accept how the body uses her, to become life identified, by her truth. Giving birth proves “the temple GOD gave” to humanity for its existence.

What is then fundamental to the process of being female, is to understand: happiness, “the essence of feeling alive in the values given to me/ the freedoms assembled to become my own life”. Truth declares, the law placed upon human participation in living, proves to exist: starts with female. Female is then, not only the temple where birth becomes possible, but the essence of our connection with this Creation called nature.

Nature does three distinct things to female: tits above a certain size cannot be hidden/ and a vagina cannot be defended, beyond a limited response; because men are more powerful, and because a vagina has no defense of its own. The shape of female, “in an athletic size”; defines an object, or image male desires. It is up to female to insure she is more than an image or object to male; and as such she is given mental methods of governing male. The critical reality of that suggestion: leads to the quest for sex, values to be given to female, chemicals to both; and other elements time and nature uses to put male and female together. The question is why; but the answer is simply, to keep life itself alive on earth: is more critical & crucial, than the sanctity of body. That fact of nature, causes grief in woman/ female; and allows male/ men, to threaten their own eternal damnation, because they didn’t care. A fact more grievous than they know. That reality of survival; has turned around, and now new births in human threaten our entire world with extinction. That fact, at this point in time; mentally suggests the element of birth is NOT necessary to this development of what is female, in terms of knowledge. Physically the descriptions cannot be separated, and the body is, what the body is; and cannot be defined unless it is a true female body. Which does mean: while I might be consistent with a spiritually correct adaptation to what is female/ I will never physically know the elements to be defined. Which gives the journey itself; a point where no balance can be achieved. Yet I am here; caged, and without choices but to try. A reality governed by the choice: I WILL NOT participate in any part of any form of extinction for this world. Another point where no balance can be achieved.

Life begins to teach me: “feeling caged, without control, without options, and utterly dependent upon what a life both inside and outside, that is not mine exactly” can do or be; as is consistent with pregnancy in many physical ways. Endless patience and hope are required; it is a reality, that both needs and deserves kindness/ a reality men simply do not understand. A development beyond self, as will prove to be; in a child to be born. It is clearly NOT fun, or desired/ never chosen by me, not exactly forced either. Complicated.

The strangest construction of my life begins: “I”, no longer exists, but is replaced by “we”. The elevation of understanding, lags far behind.

It is an education, in the truth of just how much change is required when two distinct lives must become “as one life”. Even though we travel in the same direction for largely the same purposes; the reality of shaping that journey, into what we do desire most. Elementally requires that we both agree on exactly what it is that we then do desire most; or one must surrender to the other, and accept their decisions. Because a journey as one; does not allow for separating into two distinct paths. As the lesser influence, in a life shared, we must accept or change, “to go along”. It is a reality affecting both sides/ but one more than the other.

Desire equals and assigns hope as the ultimate destiny we can create for our lives. Therefore the question is hope, and the answer is destiny; and the journey can only be conceived by truth, as it is binding with love shared, because we chose to care. That assembles or ascends over the distance traveled as trust, which then becomes “our home”. Hope conceives of eternity, as is assigned by the spiritual essence of truth. Therefore spirit assembles destiny, by the knowledge and understanding that will begin the journey of life itself. Time is separate from life/ but life is not separate from the purposes of body: to acknowledge and understand the differences freedom will bring to the decisions that you must make. LIFE develops thought, and thought gives an identity to life. The value of a decision is: the path that leads into eternity CANNOT be survived without truth/ but the road (many go here), that leads to chaos and its death, is an easy decision to make; but will not survive the lies.

We must each find our own spiritual truth, and accept its guidance for our own journey into eternity; or we cannot survive because trust equals life. You cannot substantially trust life or energy; without “someone to trust in”. The spiritual world, lives entirely in truth: which means, if you do not/ you will fail.

To my own “great surprise”; my elemental truth has changed from male leads, to female leads/ along a path you cannot come. Ultimately, that was created out of a decision in pure need: that searched for what can keep this earth alive, by truth. Male found nothing in truth that could answer that question; because this is the best men could do/ after thousands of years in recorded history, that cannot be disputed; they will simply return to what they have always done; once fear lets up. Therefore I knocked on the spiritual door of female; to ask, “what could you do differently”; as we both have a distinct need for this answer. The story is as written; the reality is, “she has needed me to confront/ and I have needed her to balance”; and we both understand, our lives have become intertwined. Life itself, is neither male or female; but is the essence of freedom realized by thought, conceived by truth, and recognized through energy. Male is the elemental search for survival/ while female is the balance called love, disciplined by a need for trust. Both have their own distinct independent value. Which makes joining them together, a “truth with benefits”; if trust is formed. Even so, only one can truly lead; because the difference will prove, we are not exactly the same. In this world it has already been proven, male will end in war/ whereas female can balance life or death without substantial confrontation. Men will war on this earth, because there are no easy answers they want; it is as plain and simple as reality will prove. What women can construct; is untested/ but only the law saves them well, and they are not likely to wander, or test reality, too far away.

Beyond this earth, “we may blend into one unified force; as is the experience and expression of freedom achieved”. Today, she continues to establish her identity on earth does exist through me; and as time goes by “I through her”. We do need each other as separate entities of life, because force is too much for this world. Kind and gentle definition’s are required; and that includes “male”; as well as female. Its complicated. Even so, “we” cannot save you from yourselves! You must choose for love, as is consistent with the blessings and realities shown in the biblical writing of JESUS. If not, this earth will be lost; because your reality has changed from nature keeping you alive/ to humanity deciding if life and planet will live. Without love, you are lost. IT IS, YOUR CHOICE.

As for me, the spiritual woman and I, are no longer separate identities but share a common destiny. She has risked the purity of her truth to join me, for the sake of this world called earth; for female on earth. I risk my truth of life, a reality male on earth, must change; to the values she creates in me/ or we accept as one life shared, through caring. If we do more than survive, by binding our lives together in trust; and complete the journey into “inseparable lives”. Instead of force, the essence of love will appear, and we will literally become as one; our eternal home shall form. GOD will be there to welcome us, into HIS home. Your ability to think, must rise; before you will understand.

The critical element of our time, at this moment is: the relationship we share with movement/ the right to go, and do, anything the heart desires, or life needs, or work requires. This is “yours, mine, and ours”; but in a relationship that is governed by the foundations of greater needs than are simply “human”. The question becomes how does human interrelate with the spiritual world, on a very simple physical basis? Who owns the body, who owns time, who owns the right to accept yes or no? Elementally this is not so simple as “man to woman”/ as every spiritual truth is fundamentally pure by conception, therefore right without question. In contrast, the critical truth of every human is none exists without flaws. Even so, in this case the purity of what is true for female, is not substantively absolutely true for male. So we do have a quandary: wherein the spiritual world cannot be wrong/ unless purity has failed to whatever slight degree has occurred. The foundation of spiritual existence is: that purity SHALL be maintained at all cost. While the essence of human is: the body or life of male, cannot be absolutely “purely true”, or simply female? This is more than an impasse, it is a foundation for living; and has been a cage, while the definitions in time life, are being worked out. Elementally, everything associated with female is her decision, as reality does prove true. Everything life on this earth needs is given to the spiritual woman, as male clearly failed and now surrenders that option. Everything about “the heart, and its connections with love”; belong to the shared existence of each equally, as can realistically be expected. It is only the elements of movement, and the shared space of what can be projected as “just simple living by choice”; that argue, this is, or this is not what female would do. The elemental surrender of male, believes a minimal identity should remain/ while that, simply conflicts with everything the spiritual world requires of female. Surrendering every last thing, to let “female” decide EVERYTHING; is not an easy thing to do. Yet we both know, it is the spiritual world that must reign over our lives. Which makes the problem me. While that seems simple enough; the ultimate construction of “female everything, so as to remove the conflict”/ is not a concept, what is left of male can achieve. As time passes, life has become more female already, than the past could even know or understand; the unfortunate reality of our time is, YOU have done so poorly with every decision for life or planet, that you have only a little time left to make any choice at all. If male is allowed to die, “my life will remain”/ but my identity will be transferred to “Only female, at a level not over adolescent [my life, absolutely doesn’t know enough, to be more, at best]”. That, is a reality utterly beyond everything male would choose to be; and yet, here we are. Faced with truth so distinct: as is a world about to become extinct. CAN’T save you/ and would not try. But life knows the desire of us both (the spiritual woman and me) is to be useful to GOD and provide whatever choices, would save HIS WORLD. No delusion is given as to the reality GOD CAN DO, whatever HE would choose to do with this world. But freedom knows: love must make its own decision, and without true love, there is little worth saving. So the essence of our work, is to prove love has value enough, to save life on earth; by your own choices.

The choice is simple; but the reality “not so much”. Not perversion, not want, not desire: simply truth. The value for each of us, “the spiritual woman and me”;  a reality produced by you, as a dying world of so much life.

The most critical question to me is:  WHAT would be left? “knowledge/ wisdom/ understanding/ education/ courage/ or far less? When surrendering identities without the knowledge of what will replace it; how to build any part of this new type of identity: NOT even the knowledge of what truly belongs and what does not:  the risk of rebuilding is high. The reality completely beyond what the male life was, can do! Not even a clue. Even the rights of body enter in, and what about the missing pieces; and all the rest that does not belong to this change in identity? IF, there is nothing left of me/ then WHO am I? The answer to that is dead and gone. The critical reality then becomes, “who are we”; as life changes into the questions aligned with eternity, but chosen here on earth! Elementally these are the definitions assigned to trust, if the purity of truth and acceptance by respect can achieve that decision.
This is NOT death, nor is it torture, nor all the things that JESUS did endure. THIS does not compare/ But I am getting a much clearer picture of what HIS last days of living life was.

While you cannot understand the construction of life without time; this is not for you to judge/ it is simply given to you, as a base level knowledge; past the edge of time; life will be different. What is true, will decide your forever; just as it will decide ours.

Every element of this experience for me, conceives of the reality: this female spirit is not as pure as it must become to encounter, and share eternal life with GOD . Nothing about human male is pure enough; so our lives are joined; elementally spiritual through her, but fundamentally physical through me. The question is: WHY is the spiritual world of female lacking the last tiny bits of purity that are necessary to become eternal? The answer is: that human men, have treated her (as is the essence of woman) so badly, forgiveness escaped/ and that bars the door to “perfect love”.

In order for her to forgive, it is necessary for her to understand: what is male, now knows the tragedy of what was done to female throughout time. To see life from the other side. To understand the damage: that came, from removing caring, and dissolve sharing, discarding trust, respect, and truth; to ultimately damage the perfection of love that we are all entitled to accept, and then achieve, as “children of GOD “. The elemental chaos that some women choose for themselves is not within this plight; they chose. The critical search for life, in eternity; requires an honesty that has no boundary, a destiny that has no hidden contempt, and where all hope is created throughout the experience or expressions of “no fear”.

Life now asks: let “female” search through male, without boundaries; without male controls; without fear. So their own, final forgiveness may appear. That has begun; what will come, is hidden. We share life, we will share eternity, we are equal, we are same: needs must be dealt with, so true love can rise.

Functionally, male is removed to a tiny room in the attic of a house, there is no escape; even though “male can see and feel everything throughout”. It is my only reference to time. What is, lost control; has appeared. How this will end, or what it will require has changed from “life is a body to be used as a tool to define me (male)”/ to now, it will be: the body is life, and whatever happens to it, becomes a part of me (female). Male; must hope for the best: as reality itself, shifts toward female. My existence is becoming, turned “upside down”. The possibilities are NOT, “without concern”.

The living, the life, the work, and all elements not divided as either male or female; seem to have been left alone. “its complicated”.

The female fundamental of, “all is fair in love and war”; has already come into view: as the physical realities of being controlled and used as a body/ without my consent. Has the consequence, NOT FAIR/ means women need not be fair in all things either. A reality that causes expansion of hate around the world; because men were unfair first. Their war against women; must be stopped. Or peace will fail, and this world will war to its extinction. To accomplish that: both sides must accept a truce. To create the laws, that will govern; be sustained and supported as our truth; for all human life on earth, “forever”. The failure to be fair, WILL be extinction; as humanity is so many people; there is no other way to survive.

Life has changed: no personal controls, “feelings instead”. Like everything else female, breasts included, they are too weird to describe/ nothing in a male world relates.

Reality changes that into: a man’s world is black/ white/ or shades of gray; as everything becomes measured in one form or another. Life is simple/ judgment is plain yes or no: not worth the effort, constant. Whereas this is sort of colored with all manner of questions or answers or exceptions or something else or more or less or who knows what. Life is complex, nothing is measured, there are only relationships to be defined; the parts and pieces, in extreme detail. And then comes value to assess or equalize desires; and balance the scale.

While you are free to ridicule, assume whatever you want, believe whatever you desire; the critical question is, can you learn anything of value to you? The reality is: human animals cannot, because want, pride, and power control their lives. As to the few who are left: the discipline here is, to understand the order in things, is to achieve an acceptance in wisdom. Truth stands alone, as it needs no other support. This earth stands alone, because you left it for pride to die. All life is going extinct, because you discarded them with want. Even the solar system itself has been threatened, because you want the power to play god even with the sun; to your eternal shame. So as you judge me, “we reply”; without truth and discipline, this world is lost forever. It is your choice. The shape of your destiny or fate, then becomes: the chaos of your lies/ or your participation in truth. Sitting on your ass, is your decision not to care about life on earth; as is the witness you create.

The shape of time, is determined by the values of your own heart; if your heart the place where you keep your true desires, is filled with nothing but want (I will take it, one way or the other), pride (its mine all mine), lust (nothing is important but me), or power (worship me or cry); your world becomes a prison, and your lies become the keeper; pride is the judge.

If your heart is a place where love exists, and the values of life and planet are equal to miracles that can never be truly known; the essence of your time is an ascension into the destiny of all things true, and courageous. Because love knows no true boundaries in time; thought developed from the bounty of respect; gives hope its “wings”. The shape of time is then Creation itself.

The shape of time for the vast majority; is simply fate will determine how you die; because that is all you chose. While the shape of time for the few who search for life, by its truth; do become acquainted with reality; beyond the limits of death or pain.

Shape means: established by truth, through the order that life has required this reality to be. The struggle to discipline that order into something designed by you, is at its core; either a participation in life and value/ or the attempt to play god, and play with life, as if only an existence or a toy, trinket, or trophy. Shapes may or may not be balanced, because the cradle of a desire may never achieve the demand to grow beyond “this moment”. Reality states; you are failing to grow up, and in that failure my desire to help you fades away. So the question is: who do you desire to be, “life/ or death”? The world needs you now, if not; then it will be too late.

As to the experience of time, what is male in me sustains a small presence; because It is “hard to die” as an identity cherished, but no longer sustainable. It was a lifetime surrounded by all the tragedies men and women could make, particularly consumed by the mischievous cost of “universities don’t care, about the consequences of what their fantasies cost”. Even so, family and friend proved to have value; women proved to have value, but a severe cost as well; as want took control, and manipulations proved to be too much to continue. “its complicated”. Or more delicately, my life was more importantly served by fighting for this world. Even if you believe you could have done better, than me; you never did.

The cost of love is simply this: it is never love that fails/ it is only want that interferes, and causes deception to be allowed; where truth as love, would not. We make excuses for love, when only truth can sustain us. We allow trust to form, because we want that relationship to succeed; but want is a lie forming, and it will not be free. Love elevates us beyond the limits or boundaries that life allows in this time on earth. To ascend into love, is “breathtaking”/ to achieve its true desire, is the very meaning of the word “ALIVE”. All that hate is, tries to break that reality; because jealousy overwhelms them; and they want to prove, “you can’t have more than me”. But will fail, because hate has nothing of value.  Breathtaking means:  to accept that time is no longer the primary desire of life.

Of important things; it is always necessary to remember living itself is about our interaction with individuals: some have value, some will not, most will be too busy collecting trophies or wanting them that they have no time for life. Never blame “all of them”/ when in fact every fault, is nearly always less. The word “universities” simply represents the few at the top, who make all the rules, demand brainwashing, and invest themselves in fantasy, or failures or beliefs that bear no real truth. All the rest merely mimic the organization; just like the soldiers mimic their leaders: so as not to be singled out, as an outcast. Remember governments are in fact the construction of what unites us; as in constitutional guarantees/ it is employees that corrupt, and surge in rebellion against us, by contaminating that purpose, as was set out to be “our government”. But make no mistake, we do not stand at the door of extinction (believe it or not) because of any individuals or small groups. We stand here, because the vast majority of at least Americans all chose selfishness, and a wanton greed to collect trophies; as bribery took control, and the universities became your temple of greed, pride, and power to be worshiped without question. Without an army, each is simply an individual. Without a purpose the rest will demand shall come true/ there is no leader.

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Jim Osterbur

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